* the love nest of him and her *

Monday, August 14, 2006

LYING: the deliberate act of deviating from the truth.

It hurts to be lied to by other people, most especially, by people who are so close to your heart. Individuals have different ways of reacting to lies. Some get angry and refuse to ever speak with the person who lied to them. Yet, others get hurt, more than angry, and just button up. As for me, I feel a slicing pain in my heart and the rest of my body

, afterwards, the magic of love makes it presence felt as it embraces my heart and teaches it to forgive. It is easy to forgive; however, it is difficult to forget.

After hearing his reason, I understood him. Just in my heart and mind, I validated his lying to me; with the hope that he will never do it again.

Whenever I asked him questions pertaining to that issue, most often than not, he would get angry with me. He dared me to check and to see for myself how big of a fool I am, not to believe him. I wanted to trust him, so I didn't follow his advice. Yet, he told me I don't trust him and that I will never trust anything he tells me. He would say those in a raised voice. He would get furious and tell me that he couldn't believe that I think he's a liar. I would get scared, because I do not want him to get mad at me. So, I stop!

I couldn't help but recall the things he told me, everytime I asked him about that. I wonder where he those from. There were even stories behind them. Why was it so easy for him to lie to me? I know it's not right to question how he was able to lie to me when I NEVER lied to him about anything, at all.

I have already forgiven him; but, why am I still hurting deep inside?

When one lies to his partner, does that mean he loves her less?

I've learned to supress my feelings when I am with him for fear that he would explode with anger again. When I tell him what I feel, he tells me to just leave him them. When I try to communicate with him what my heart contains, he gets impatient with me and starts to talk to me in a strong, offending language. When I attempt to make him understand what he's doing to me, he, most of the time, gets angrier and would not calm down until much later into our conversation.

I used to be able to calm him down so quickly before. I used to be able to turn his anger into something light, before. Ah! I never had to do that with him in the past, because he never got angry with me.

Even from way back when we were still at the beginning of our relationship, I already told him that I only want a simple life with him. But, I guess, it cannot be help - now, our life is so complicated.

All I want, right now, is for us to be how we were like then. We used to have a worry-free and stress-free relationship. Now, it seems like we have to watch our every move to make sure that neither of us would start reacting negatiely.

I know I have, a few times, hurt his feelings; but, what did I do to deserve to be lied to by the man I love most in my life?

Sharing my thoughts and emotions with him is what I want to do; then again, I am afraid that he'd push me away again.

How I wish we weren't more than seven thousand miles apart - I just want to be held

by MyBaby and I need him to tell me that things will be alright!

I know that you won't be able to read this, but ... Baby, I need to be with you po!

her mood:

so heartbroken and VERY sad!

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chRICKstine está en la nube nueve
at |8:33 AM|

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