* the love nest of him and her *

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

I've been sitting on this same spot on my bed for a couple of hours now. I close my eyes every once in a while, thinking of all the good times Ric and I have shared.

We have gone a long way in our relationship, inspite of the distance that separates our physical worlds. We live in cities that are about 6,967 miles apart. It is not easy to travel that distance. Not to mention the expenses that come with it. With only three weeks in a year, we are able to build wonderful memories together.

We aren't fighting now. That is the last thing that either of us would want. It's just that things have really been tough, lately - most especially since the past three days.

It helps to be able to write, like this. I am able to express myself, without having to worry about anything at all. He doesn't come this way anymore. That makes me a little more confident that he won't be upset with me in case he stumbles upon my journal and read what I have written here. Then again, even if he does, it's good for him to know how I truly feel inside.

Lonliness has enveloped a rather significant part of my being these past few days. I have been shaken by the changes that have been brought about by the different circumstances I have been finding myself in. I couldn't think straight. I've been out of the office for two days (and counting). I've been crying almost throughout each day. This has already caused me to have creampuffs for eyes, minus the bavarian cream in it, though.

All of a sudden, no matter how much I convince myself of how strong I am, I still feel very weak. I know I must not allow myself to feel this way. I realize that I need to do something productive to keep my mind from thinking of what has been going on. But, it is so difficult to be optimistic at times like this. All I could think of is just to lock myself up in my room and be alone. Being in this predicament, makes me feel restless and so helpless. The frustration builds up as I realize how far we are from each other.

A long, tight embrace from him is what I need at this very moment!

He loves me. I am certain about that. No questions asked. He wants this to work as much as I do. It is the situation we are both in that makes me feel this way. Have you ever imagined yourself walking with much effort on a conveyor belt, moving the opposite direction? That is how I see myself in the situation I am in, right now. To make it worse, the only horizontal pole I can hold on to is coated with a thick slippery substance.

Work is already piling up, I know. What am I going to do? If I go to work tonight, I, for sure, will just stare at my 19" monitor and cry. I won't get any work done.

I knew from the start that this won't be easy - especially, since I am not a fan of long distance relationships. However, I did not forsee this. I didn't know that it will be this tough.

I've got to pull myself together and be optimistic. I don't know how I will do that; but, I have to.

her mood: confused

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chRICKstine está en la nube nueve
at |7:12 AM|

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